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Funny, honest, $3

Roast My Resume

We quote your weakest lines, explain why each one fails, make a joke about it, and tell you exactly what to fix first. The jokes are the fun part. The review is the point.

One payment, nothing renews. 30-day money-back guarantee.

What is a resume roast?

A resume roast is a review that is funny on the surface and useful underneath. Ours quotes the weakest lines from your resume, explains why each one fails, makes a joke about it, and tells you what to change. Take the jokes out and you still have a real review.

What you get for $3

Your burn level
Nine plain checks, from Barely warm to Charred, so you can see at a glance how much work there is.
Your weakest lines, quoted
Five to eight real lines from your resume. For each one: why it is weak, the joke, and what to do about it.
Section by section
Summary, experience, skills, education and length, each rated Strong, OK or Weak, with the reason.
Your resume in numbers
How many bullets show a result, how many have a number, and which buzzwords you used and how often.
Questions a reader still has
The three things someone still does not know after reading your resume.
Fix these first
The three changes worth making today, in order, and what each one changes.
What is already working
The lines to keep. A roast that only finds faults is not a review.

What one line looks like

This is a made-up example, not a real customer.

Helped with events and other duties as assigned.

Why it is weak: It says you were nearby, not what you did. “Other duties” belongs in a job advert, not on your resume.

The burn: A sentence that could describe anyone who has ever owned a lanyard.

The fix: Name one event you helped run, what you were in charge of, and how many people came.

How it works

  1. Upload your resume. PDF or Word. We check we can read it before you pay.
  2. Pay $3 once. No account and nothing renews.
  3. Get roasted. It takes about a minute. Read it here, save it as a PDF, and get a copy by email.

Want to know whether software can read your file at all? That is a different question, and our free ATS scan answers it. Starting from nothing? Use the free resume builder.

Questions

What is a resume roast?

A resume roast is a review that is funny on the surface and useful underneath. Ours quotes the weakest lines from your resume, explains why each one fails, makes a joke about it, and tells you what to change. Take the jokes out and you still have a real review.

Is it written by a person?

No. The review is written by AI, and our own code does the rest: it pulls out the real lines of your resume, does every count, and checks the answer before you see it. A quote in your roast is always a real line from your resume, never something the AI made up.

Will it be mean?

Medium spice. It teases the wording, the clichés and the vague claims, never you. It will not joke about your name, age, gender, country, religion, family, health or career gaps. If a line is good, it says so.

Does it rewrite my resume?

No. It tells you what to change and leaves the writing to you, because only you know the real numbers. If you would like it rewritten for you, that is our $9 rewrite.

What if my resume is already good?

Then the roast says so. It still shows you your weakest lines, and it tells you honestly that they are the weakest of a good set. It does not invent problems to fill the page.

What if you cannot read my file?

We check the file before you pay. If it is a scanned image, has too little text, or is coming out scrambled (usually a two-column layout), we tell you and you are not charged, because a roast of a misread file would not be fair. A single-column PDF or Word file works best.

Do you keep my resume?

We do not store your resume. To write the roast, the text goes to our AI provider, Anthropic, which keeps it for a short time as explained in our privacy policy. Your finished report is emailed to you and stays in your browser.

Can I get my money back?

Yes. There is a 30-day money-back guarantee, no questions asked. It is one payment and nothing renews.

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